Today was a short day at work so after my much needed and much hated workout, I still had time to do some much wanted shopping. I cut my coupons, made my lists, grabbed my reusable bags, and headed to the store. I was about 10 feet from making it inside when I was cut off by an elderly woman walking slower than anyone I have ever seen. I'm talking slower than regular old people slow. At first I was agitated, I mean I couldn't pass her because that's rude, but I wasn't sure we'd even make it through the doors without them closing on us. She was THAT slow. She's not part of the actual story here, but she reminded me, and so I'm reminding you, that there's really no hurry. Slow down and enjoy the walk every now and again!
Back to the original point.
When I finally did make it into the store I was oddly aware of how disposable everything was (everything except my reusable bags, of course!). The carts are now plastic, the displays change almost weekly, even the clothes are made with little quality. I pushed that feeling down, acknowledging the fact that I probably thought a lot like the elderly woman at the entrance, "Everything is so temporary these days. You kids wouldn't have been able to survive back in my day."
I pushed my plastic cart towards the shampoo aisle since I had some coupons for the good stuff! The aisle should have been labeled "Aisle 14: Plastic Products Good For One Use Only". Again I had that nagging feeling that everything is now so disposable, so temporary. Right there, surrounded by scents of lemon melon burst and berry berry beautiful, I started thinking about how little in our lives is actually reusable, long-lasting, or even permanent. Things aren't made to be fixed anymore, they're made to be replaced. Maybe you know a person who is always getting a new car. How about all of the people who line up for a new phone to replace their fully functional phones. The keyboard on your laptop breaks, you replace the whole darn computer. There is only one woman I know of that actually mends ripped jeans. The point is, the majority of our life is filled with one use, disposable, no-fixing-only-replacing, upgrade-as-soon-as-possible things. In the midst of all of this, is it any surprise that lifelong friendships (I'm talking ACTUAL not just Facebook friendships) and marriages seem to be disappearing faster than your roll of paper towels?
I have a touch of hoarding mixed with a love of recycling, making it a struggle to throw things out or replace them - fixing something is just such a rewarding feeling. I fear that many of us are so surrounded by the disposable that we've lost the desire and the ability to fix things when they're broken and to take care of the things we have in order to keep them from breaking in the first place.
I began to think about how many friendships I've let dissolve just because I didn't put effort into them, or how many marriages I've seen end in divorce because "we were young and we're just different now" or "I just couldn't live with her anymore" or "I think I need to see what else is out there". I see this all the time. The fact is, sometimes relationships end because people don't know how - or don't want - to work on fixing them. Why fix it when I can upgrade? This breaks my heart. Don't we know that old or familiar or broken doesn't mean dead or done? Diapers, trash bags, those are disposable, but people and relationships shouldn't be.
Meeting new people is great, and I enjoy making new friends, but my best friend from middle school knows my history, knows my likes and dislikes, she can cheer me up or talk some sense into me. I value her. If we argue, we forgive and move on. My husband has seen me at my worst and he's seen me at my best. He knows me better than anyone in the world. Isn't that connection and familiarity comforting? Don't old jeans just fit better than new ones? Some things are worth cherishing, taking care of and fixing.
My challenge to you is to find something broken and fix it! Start with a pair of ripped jeans or an old piece of furniture. Put some effort into it. You'll be reminded of how awesome it feels to make something whole again and to give something new life. Maybe you'll be reminded that new isn't a synonym for better and that relationships and marriages aren't meant to be disposable. Some things can last a lifetime - even in the year 2014!
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Monday, October 6, 2014
Feeding the Soul (while vegging on the couch)
Lately I have been feeling convicted about guarding not only my heart, but also my eyes, my ears, and my mind. I have been focused on filtering what I allow myself to hear, see, and think. I wonder if any of you feel this same conviction.
For me this all started about a month ago when my husband, Kees, left for deployment. Alone and with lots of time spent in a quiet apartment, I found myself having the TV on just to hear people talk. I'd turn the news on in the morning, tune in to whatever was airing while I was folding laundry, I even became so dependent on the sleep timer that I couldn't fall asleep without the background noise. If the TV wasn't on, the music had to be. I'd plug in my surround sound and crank up whatever station I could find. The silence in my apartment was deafening, I needed something, anything, to keep me from feeling lonely.
Without Kees around I realized I could watch all the shows he hated! I watched Keeping Up With The Kardashians marathons, Sex and the City reruns, I even started watching Botched - a show about people who've had botched plastic surgeries. Yes, these are my guilty pleasures. I'm a sucker for reality shows and I'll watch almost anything that centers around interesting (weird) people. In fact, some of my favorite shows include Hoarders, My 600lb Life, and COPS. Writing this makes me realize how interesting (WEIRD) I actually am. Seriously, what kind of person likes watching Hoard.... Anyways.
Slowly I started getting this feeling that I was being reckless with my mind. I noticed that many of my favorite shows involved infidelity, most of the people I watched made light of divorces, pretty much all of them included foul language (which is more than just cussing, by the way), and sex was a topic of episode after episode. I know what you're thinking. What did I expect from a show literally called SEX and the City? Could I even be surprised by anything the Kardashians did? Duh!
One day I was thinking about what to eat before I went to the gym. I decided on baked chicken and veggies. It would be nutritious, and it wouldn't give me what we in the Navy like to call the bubble guts. Basically, it was good for me. It hit me, what I put in has a direct impact on what I get out. If that's true for my food, how much truer is that for my mind? What I put in impacts what I get out.
Exposing myself to willy nilly divorces, hearing constant foul language (which, again, is more than cussing), seeing infidelity being portrayed as the norm, even indulging in all of those reality shows (reality shows are just an abstract form of gossip, I've come to feel), it all affects the way I think, speak and act. Do any of those shows include people I want to be like? Do they have positive messages? What in the world could I possibly gain from Hoarders? (Side note: That show made me so aware of my hoarding tendencies that it is directly responsible for 3 trips to Goodwill to drop off trunk fulls of donations!)
I didn't really want to, heck I STILL struggle to pass up the new episodes of KUWTK, but I made a little pact with myself and God that I would avoid shows that are just garbage. I know I'm an adult, and many of you think that censorship is silly and I should just learn to watch without being changed, but I don't think it's possible. It all influences the way we behave. It's subtle, it's sub conscious even, but it just changes you. It changes your mood, it changes your opinions, it changes your mind. I want to be clear that I'm not judging any of you who choose to watch Hoarders - or whatever your favorite, and possibly inappropriate, show is - in fact, I'm a little jealous. Personally, I am choosing to keep a watchful eye on all the things I allow in.
The good news is that just because I'm avoiding most shows, doesn't mean there aren't plenty of options still out there for me. I started watching 19 Kids and Counting which is still a reality show about interesting people, but their values are actually close to mine. Little People Big World has been showing a married couple as they work hard to avoid divorce after 20+ years of marriage. HGTV even has a show called Fixer Upper that follows a husband and wife who remodel homes for clients. They go to church, they eat dinner with their four children every night, and they have the cutest relationship. An awesome channel to watch is UP. I got this channel when I lived in Washington and was so sad when I found out I can't get it in Cali. It's a faith based network and you don't have to worry about what they air.
I haven't gouged out my eyes or thrown out my TVs. I haven't cursed the media or vowed to never watch TV again. I love TV! I am simply choosing to look at my entertainment like I would my food. If I take this in am I going to feel/act/think/talk/be better? or am I going to end up feeling worse?
I hope you too begin to think about these things. I also hope you know how powerful you are - you watching or not watching something matters to the producers and directors and TV execs. If we demand better and reject the junk, they will notice.
We choose whole foods over junk foods every day, it's time we apply that to the rest of our lives as well.
For me this all started about a month ago when my husband, Kees, left for deployment. Alone and with lots of time spent in a quiet apartment, I found myself having the TV on just to hear people talk. I'd turn the news on in the morning, tune in to whatever was airing while I was folding laundry, I even became so dependent on the sleep timer that I couldn't fall asleep without the background noise. If the TV wasn't on, the music had to be. I'd plug in my surround sound and crank up whatever station I could find. The silence in my apartment was deafening, I needed something, anything, to keep me from feeling lonely.
Without Kees around I realized I could watch all the shows he hated! I watched Keeping Up With The Kardashians marathons, Sex and the City reruns, I even started watching Botched - a show about people who've had botched plastic surgeries. Yes, these are my guilty pleasures. I'm a sucker for reality shows and I'll watch almost anything that centers around interesting (weird) people. In fact, some of my favorite shows include Hoarders, My 600lb Life, and COPS. Writing this makes me realize how interesting (WEIRD) I actually am. Seriously, what kind of person likes watching Hoard.... Anyways.
Slowly I started getting this feeling that I was being reckless with my mind. I noticed that many of my favorite shows involved infidelity, most of the people I watched made light of divorces, pretty much all of them included foul language (which is more than just cussing, by the way), and sex was a topic of episode after episode. I know what you're thinking. What did I expect from a show literally called SEX and the City? Could I even be surprised by anything the Kardashians did? Duh!
One day I was thinking about what to eat before I went to the gym. I decided on baked chicken and veggies. It would be nutritious, and it wouldn't give me what we in the Navy like to call the bubble guts. Basically, it was good for me. It hit me, what I put in has a direct impact on what I get out. If that's true for my food, how much truer is that for my mind? What I put in impacts what I get out.
Exposing myself to willy nilly divorces, hearing constant foul language (which, again, is more than cussing), seeing infidelity being portrayed as the norm, even indulging in all of those reality shows (reality shows are just an abstract form of gossip, I've come to feel), it all affects the way I think, speak and act. Do any of those shows include people I want to be like? Do they have positive messages? What in the world could I possibly gain from Hoarders? (Side note: That show made me so aware of my hoarding tendencies that it is directly responsible for 3 trips to Goodwill to drop off trunk fulls of donations!)
I didn't really want to, heck I STILL struggle to pass up the new episodes of KUWTK, but I made a little pact with myself and God that I would avoid shows that are just garbage. I know I'm an adult, and many of you think that censorship is silly and I should just learn to watch without being changed, but I don't think it's possible. It all influences the way we behave. It's subtle, it's sub conscious even, but it just changes you. It changes your mood, it changes your opinions, it changes your mind. I want to be clear that I'm not judging any of you who choose to watch Hoarders - or whatever your favorite, and possibly inappropriate, show is - in fact, I'm a little jealous. Personally, I am choosing to keep a watchful eye on all the things I allow in.
The good news is that just because I'm avoiding most shows, doesn't mean there aren't plenty of options still out there for me. I started watching 19 Kids and Counting which is still a reality show about interesting people, but their values are actually close to mine. Little People Big World has been showing a married couple as they work hard to avoid divorce after 20+ years of marriage. HGTV even has a show called Fixer Upper that follows a husband and wife who remodel homes for clients. They go to church, they eat dinner with their four children every night, and they have the cutest relationship. An awesome channel to watch is UP. I got this channel when I lived in Washington and was so sad when I found out I can't get it in Cali. It's a faith based network and you don't have to worry about what they air.
I haven't gouged out my eyes or thrown out my TVs. I haven't cursed the media or vowed to never watch TV again. I love TV! I am simply choosing to look at my entertainment like I would my food. If I take this in am I going to feel/act/think/talk/be better? or am I going to end up feeling worse?
I hope you too begin to think about these things. I also hope you know how powerful you are - you watching or not watching something matters to the producers and directors and TV execs. If we demand better and reject the junk, they will notice.
We choose whole foods over junk foods every day, it's time we apply that to the rest of our lives as well.
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